December 1st was the one year anniversary of the video I made after my horrendous “break up”. One year later, things are completely different and absolutely wonderful. I wanted to take a quick moment to reflect on it.
During that time, I suffered horrible depression and lost all joy and faith in people. My trust was so broken that the meaning of the word was foreign. It seemed like honesty and love were two things one could not actually possess. I lost interest in everything, fell behind on my work, called out of work simply because I couldn’t face the people there, and couldn’t even bother to get out of bed half the time.
For the longest time I couldn’t even fake a smile. I was hurt from the deepest place in my soul, and I felt like an empty shell of a human being. I soon began hating everyone and everything. From my pain, a new emotion emerged: pure rage. There was an injustice. I never even got a say in why I was feeling this way. I never got a choice in the things that were affecting me most. The absolute lack of consideration for my feelings as a person was completely ignored. Everyone else involved with what happened seemingly suffered no consequence. And worse, hardly any of my “friends” in real life at the time showed sympathy or compassion. Some even implied that what happened was my fault. That I wasn’t careful enough, and “should have seen it coming”.
I was pretty messed up for the better half of the year. Days blurred together. Words were meaningless. I didn’t care to know anyone. I wanted to be alone despite solitude being the worst thing for me at the time. Luckily, at some point, I got the opportunity to get away from it all. I found a new job that allowed me the privilege of never having to see those people ever again. I began surrounding myself with new people, new things. I stopped letting it eat me up. I moved on. I started getting better.
In September, I attended a convention with some friends in the Artist Alley. I had taken a lot of steps to getting myself back on track, but still had never quite hit 100%. It wasn’t until then that I really found my spark again. After that weekend, I felt completely refreshed. Things were beautiful again without me pushing to see why. I started genuinely smiling again. Creating made me excited once more. I found a new sort of love for myself, and I finally started believing and trusting in friends. It was like the clouds finally parted after it being dark and dreary for so long.
I hit the ground running, and I’ve started creating so many wonderful things ever since. Come January, I’ll be opening a new door by moving to California. I’m extremely thrilled for this new opportunity. I’ve never felt happier.
In what was nearly a year, I grew so much and learned a lot. I went through a very hard lesson, and even though I’m glad it happened, I never want 2012 to happen ever again.
It took a very long time to get back to where I am now, but I guess the reason I’m saying all this is to make a point. No matter how bad things get, no matter how much you want to quit and give up, and despite things seeming like they’ll never get better, there is always a light somewhere. Sometimes you have to drag yourself through the mud, push yourself in ways that are nearly unbearable, and just keep going despite all of your body and mind’s best attempts to quit. I am very lucky to have such a stubborn mindset. I’m so very fortunate to have people that push and believe in me to be the person I strive to be every day. I’m undoubtedly blessed to have the support of so many people out there who simply love what I do.
Things were very hard for a long, long time. I had long convinced myself that I would never feel the way I felt before 2012 happened, but I’m sitting here typing all this out right now to say I was very, very wrong. I’m back and better than ever.
This is the video I made one year ago that helped me let go.
Bartkira submission all done, it took me ages because brilliantly I decided to try a new style that turned out to be pretty complicated. My first comic, which was made a lot easier by the fact I was basically drawing over someone else’s brilliant comic using another someone else’s characters. Plus it was only a few pages. Pretty good way to ease into it I guess.
WHAT ON EARTH
dude, pastrymon? I have to tell you a tale.
In fifth grade I was super obsessed with Pokémon, you know, like the general population was in 1999, and I could draw them decently well, and I decided to create a parody (I
wasam a big fan of MAD Magazine).
So I combined food + Pokémon and made…
Anything to knock junior-high students down a peg or two.
just because you’re not there to see it, does not mean it doesn’t exist
I’m sorry but is that a fucking SLENDERMAN????
ALL ABOARD THE NOPE TRAIN.
I THUGH THIS WAS A STICK BUG
jESUS FUCKING CHRIST WHAT IS THAT